Fancy your chances? Book your LEGOLAND tickets here or buy a Merlin Annual Pass here (aff links), or read on for my thoughts.

I’ll be honest: I don’t like theme parks. I don’t do rollercoasters, and don’t even get me started on drop rides. I tell people it’s a motion-sickness issue, but actually I’m just a massive wimp. I feel the same about air travel and to be honest I don’t even really like driving over speed bumps. “How are you qualified to review a theme park then, you absolute drip?” you may well ask. Well, probably not very if what you’re looking for is an evaluation of its rollercoasters. Thankfully you don’t have to ride the rollercoasters to have a great day out at LEGOLAND, because there’s something for everyone there, even pussies like me.

At least, there is in theory. If, like me, you visit with four kids aged between 6-10 you will very likely find yourself riding the big, scary rollercoasters (or, at least, waiting with the bags while everyone else rides them). In fairness, there are only two large rollercoasters at LEGOLAND: the Dragon and the Minifigure Speedway. We ruled out the latter on account of it having a 65-minute predicted queue time, while the kids (and dads) queued for 50 minutes for the former and deemed it SO WORTH IT with its hybrid indoor-ghost-train/traditional-horrifying-outdoor-rollercoaster approach. I also spent an unholy amount of time waiting for them to get off Destiny’s Bounty, a twisty-turny Viking boat that also looked vaguely terrifying to me but that I watched numerous unmoved three-year-olds riding.

Those rides aside, the queues weren’t too bad, but I would still heartily recommend buying Fastrack tickets so you can get the most from your visit. Yes, of course they cost more money, but when you consider how many London attractions cost around £30 (the starting price for a LEGOLAND ticket) and last an hour or less, even the Fastrack price actually feels quite reasonable. We didn’t have Fastrack and spent the best part of three hours queuing – nearly half of our total time on site. Fastrack access would also have made the 2.5-hour journey involving two buses and the Elizabeth Line feel more justified (obviously you can drive there too, we just don’t have a car). Sans-Fastrack, the total five-hour travel time and three hours spent queuing didn’t add up against three hours of ride time. Even the bronze Fastrack option, which buys you much shorter queue times for three rides, would have made a huge difference.

LEGOLAND had always been on our ‘one for when they’re older’ list, but honestly the under-5s rides looked far more up my street than the things our kids were going on and I secretly wished I’d had a toddler with me. You could very easily spend a half a day in DUPLO Valley, piloting DUPLO helicopters, cruising on the dino coaster and drifting down the Fairy Take Brook, and it would all be very calm and lovely. I’d also be perfectly happy wandering around Miniland (that’s the bit with the LEGO models), exploring Agra, NYC and Sydney without leaving Windsor. The rides I actually ended up agreeing to were the Haunted House Monster Party (huge mistake. It makes you feel like you’re being spun upside down and I genuinely thought I might puke) and the LEGO City Deep Sea Adventure (delightful – contains real sharks). The girls also braved Autumn’s Adventure (spinning disk – definite motion-sickness risk), as well as an innocuous fairground-style swing ride and a go-kart-style electric-car situation.

Next time – because I am assured there will be a next time – the Minifigure Speedway and Flight of the Sky Lion (I think this is a sort of IMAX-but-you’re-suspended-in-the-air scenario) are non-negotiables for the kids. For me it will be the addition of Fastrack access, perhaps some of the water-based rides (there are drying pods but I’ll still be packing a change of clothes) and definitely the funicular, because who doesn’t love a funicular?!

Top tips, with the benefit of hindsight: we packed a huge amount of picnic food and ate it all. If your kids are anything like ours you will do the same, because the on-site cafes are predictably spenny – though there are free water fountains all over the park. Unless you live nearby and/or have an annual pass, I’d recommend arriving at opening time and staying all day to really get your money’s worth. I’d also urge you to buy at least the bronze level Fastrack add-on unless you’re a fan of queues, in which case have fun! The park is massive and pretty overwhelming, so I’d suggest planning your itinerary before you arrive. The website allows you to filter rides by age and height, and you can download a map to plan your route ahead of time. If you’re travelling by train from London, I’d recommend getting the Elizabeth Line to Slough and then catching the 702/3 – much less painful than getting the train from Waterloo to Windsor, in my humble opinion.

So, is it worth it? Or is the thought of puncturing the sole of my foot more alluring? According to my theme-park-loving family, it was absolutely worth it. If your kids like rides and LEGO, it’s fairly hard to go wrong here. As for me? While it hasn’t turned me into a theme-park convert, I didn’t baulk at the idea of a return trip – and I am very excited about that funicular.

If reading this has convinced you to visit LEGOLAND, you can book here without having to scroll to the top of the page to hit the exact same link, or you can buy a Merlin Annual Pass here for even more family fun (aff links).