What?: Basically clubbing, but with a baby. In the cold, sober light of a Monday morning I am kind of wondering which part of this I thought was a good idea.

Where?: We went to a BFLF x Camp Bestival Pop Stars and Rock Stars-themed rave at The Bedford pub in Balham. This event is currently touring around the south of England, with a Hackney date coming up in April. Alternatively there are a few other companies offering baby rave-type events in various locations across London.

Duration: Our rave ran from 2-4.30pm on a Sunday afternoon but if BFLF’s ‘2-4 Hour Party People’ slogan is anything to go by then presumably some of them go on for four long, painful hours. Bab lasted about 80 minutes before she started convulsing and we had to take her to the coffee shop down the road for a toastie.

Best Bits: Thank the Lord for the crawlers-and-babes-in-arms-only chill-out room. Without it I think I would have resorted to throwing myself off the dancefloor balcony with a glow stick shoved up each nostril. The tinsel-filled ball pool distracted Bab from going “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” ( which, roughly translated, means “I hate this. It’s too noisy. Take me home immediately, you bastards”) for about 10 minutes, which is a victory in my book.

Worst Bits: I think the thing about clubbing is you either need to be shitfaced or pilled up to your eyeballs for it to be even vaguely enjoyable, and neither is massively advisable when you’re caring for a 12-month-old.

Cost: £9 for adults, £6 for children, free for pre-walking infants. I booked this ages ago and told Bab that if she was walking by the time the rave came round we’d be having words.

Facilities & activities: Baby changing; buggy parking; bar; face-painting; arts and crafts table; cake stall; Camp Bestival ticket selfie competition; chill-out room with soft play and separate space with ball pool for tinies; glitter bombs, bubbles and balloons on the dance floor; glow sticks; DJs.

Would We Come Back?: I completely support this concept and think adult fun tailored to kids is the future of sane parenting. Unfortunately I don’t think any of us was really having fun. Instead Bab’s current state of acute teething-induced unhappiness coupled with Bab Dad’s permanent state of work-induced zombie tiredness and the fact that, oh yeah, I HATE CLUBBING pretty much extinguished any spark of enjoyment we might have had before we even got to the venue. So no, we probably wouldn’t come back. That’s not to say I think it was shit – I just think it would help if your interests include gyrating along to happy hardcore in a dark room full of strangers whilst hoisting 10 kilos of chronic misery into the air.

www.bigfishlittlefishevents.co.uk

Bab reluctantly raves at the Big Fish Little Fish x Camp Bestival Family Rave at The Bedford, Balham